I got married in Feb 2023 to Sharon Dsouza who lives at Malad Orlem, Mumbai, India.
and she works at ICFAI business school in Powai as an admin.
Below are the problems i had to face because of Sharon.
#1.Sharon's sexuality problem:
Before my marriage with Sharon Dsouza which was an arranged marriage we had met each other with family members and twice personally.
Before the marriage, we had 3 clear discussions on child planning with each other(twice face to face and 1 on phone call)
Sharon had agreed that she also wanted 2 children hearing which i was quite happy and we had quite a detailed discussion on our family planning.
There was no sex before marriage as any kind of romance was refused by Sharon citing reason that she is a very reserved person and that these things should be considered only after marriage. I was optimistic about Sharon so i never felt that this was a red flag.
I still went ahead with the marriage because i was very optimistic about Sharon as she was a very silent, soft spoken and seemed to have good manners.
After our wedding, on the 1st night Sharon refused to have physical relationship with me citing reason that the wedding gown was too heavy and that she is tired and needs rest.
On the 2nd night, Sharon refused again saying the sarees were too heavy and she needed rest.
On the 3rd night, Sharon refused again saying that the last 3 weeks were very busy for her due to the wedding activities and she still needed rest.
I did not try on the 4th night just to observe. Sharon just said good night and went to sleep.
On the 5th night, Sharon gave headache as the reason.
Even early mornings and in the daytimes Sharon refused by saying she has a stomach ache or back ache, etc.
A week past by and our holidays were over.
We resumed with our offices.
Early mornings, Sharon refused by saying she does not have time.
After returning from office during bed time Sharon kept refusing every time by saying she is tired and needs to wake up early next morning.
Even on weekends, Sharon refused by giving fatigue as the reason. She did not do any household chores on her own or with interest but only unless told that too with zero efforts so fatigue was a foolish reason on weekends.
This behavior of Sharon did not seem normal.
3 weeks into the marriage, i started getting frustrated. Sharon kept on refusing.
Whenever i initiated intimacy, Sharon refused in a way as if she does not want romance at all.
On confronting Sharon after 3 weeks into the marriage, Sharon said the below statements
i. that she is not interested in sex
ii. and that she never felt any sexual attraction nor had any sexual feelings towards anyone ever in her entire life
iii. and that she does not have any kind of sexual desires
iv. and that she never masturbated in her life and she never felt like masturbating ever.
v. and that she had tried watching porn in her younger years after suggestions from her friends but she did not feel anything.
vi. and that she is an Asexual personality.
Hearing this i was completely traumatized.
Even basic Kissing and hugging was not allowed till 5 months of marriage.
Cuddling was not allowed till 8 months of marriage.
Oral sex was never allowed by Sharon.
Smooching was never allowed by Sharon.
Foreplay was never allowed by Sharon.
Whenever i initiated passionate physical intimacy, Sharon always escaped into the bathroom locked herself and returned only after 30 mins.
She never even allowed bare body touching.
If i had to touch her i had to ask her a week prior and i was allowed only for touching with her clothes on(no bare body touching).
Whenever i tried to convince Sharon that she should get a medical checkup done and get a consultation from a doctor on this issue of hers, she angrily refused every time and stopped talking to me completely.
She just did not like the topic of romance, intimacy, sex, etc. She hated these things. She was never open to discussions on our sex life.
I also spoke to her if she had any past trauma or any kind of fear to which she said she does not have any such issue.
Sharon agreed that she did not have any extra marital affair even in front of her relatives.
For the 10 months Sharon stayed in my house, she never allowed me to consummate our marriage.
This thus became a clear cut case of cheating and fraud.
This was a big problem to live with as it was becoming indigestible for me that the person i married belongs to the LGBTQIA+ community where A means Asexuality as per science and research.
#2.Sharon's lifeless behaviour:
4 months into the marriage, my left arm got fractured with 2 broken bones due to an accidental fall outside my house.
On the day of my surgery, Sharon visited me at the hospital for just 1 hr and then she left for a birthday party which was not good to see.
Sharon's parents instead of visiting me at the hospital went for the same birthday party.
Even when i returned home from hospital still her emotionless parents never came to pay a visit.
Sharon did not give me any kind of physical support nor any kind of emotional/mental support during my recovery phase of 4 weeks.
She never even asked me if i needed any kind of help with my daily personal routine chores.
This was a very big shock for me.
My parents gave me the physical/mental/emotional support in this hard time.
Sharon's only care towards me during this time was by asking me once in a day if i took my medicines and that was it.
7 months into the marriage, my father got hospitalized for 10 days for his prostate tumor issues.
Sharon gave me absolute zero physical support here as well.
Even on her holidays, she used to be inside the house scrolling facebook and Instagram but not even once she offered to visit the hospital.
Whenever i asked her to visit the hospital, she always gave me a silly excuse.
#3.Wrong information provided by Sharon's mother about Sharon:
When me and my family first met Sharon and her family, we were told that Sharon is a very nice and a religious girl
We were also told that she knows all the household chores including cooking, etc
We never asked Sharon to do any household chores during her office days but on her holidays i had expectations from her that she has to contribute at least something in household chores.
She does not even know how to heat the already cooked food on gas.
She cant even boil milk nor can she make tea.
She cant even fill a water bottle from a 5 litre can of water.
We once gave her just 1 plate to wash and she used entire bucket of 10 litres to wash 1 single plate.
After bathing, all her broken hair Sharon used to just pile it up in the bathroom. All the eliminated makeup Sharon used to accumulate on the bathroom tiles because of which i slipped in the bathroom a couple of times.
Sharon used to keep wet towels on wooden furniture and on steel chairs.
She does not even know how to cut her own nails.
She does not even know the etiquettes of brushing her own teeth.
She once climbed up on the glass dining table to clean the statue of Mother Mary seeing which my entire family was surprised to see how dumb Sharon was. Even after asking her politely to get down else it might break the glass and cause injuries still Sharon did not listen neither to me nor my father. Such was her arrogance.
Me and my mother then started teaching Sharon on how household work is done but Sharon had no interest in learning household tasks.
Seeing all this, we asked Sharon to not do any household chores unless asked.
After my left arm got injured, i naturally asked Sharon to lend a helping hand in household chores.
After 4 months into the marriage it was 1st time when i asked Sharon to mop the floor. Sharon emptied half the phenyl bottle in 1 bucket of water.
Entire house floor became sticky like marshy lands.
I had no idea how much phenyl Sharon had put in the bucket until i asked her about the marshy lands condition of the house floor tiles.
Seeing these house hold chores abilities, we stopped giving any work to her.
#4. Sharon's resistance in every single thing:
Right after the wedding day i was continuously behind Sharon's back for a honeymoon to which Sharon completely put a full stop saying honey moon is not required as its just a showoff thing.
She refused to go anywhere and everywhere with me except her maternal house and family functions.
She refused to go to the beaches, movies, walks, eateries, etc with me everywhere every time giving the most silly and lame excuse all the time.
#5. Sharon's complaining nature to her mother:
Every single details of my house and every single thing that used to happen in my house was gossiped by Sharon to her mother and then her mother used to call me and tell me how things should be in my house and how not, to which i was not happy with because i never interfered in Sharon's maternal house matters so i was expecting a stop on such complaining nature which did not stop.
#6. Sharon's office travel issue:
Before marriage, we had shown Sharon our house twice and had also explained her how much she will have to travel via bus/metro for her office to which Sharon was fine with.
After marriage, Sharon's continuous complaints everyday to her mother that she has to spend more time to travel(than when she was at her mother's house) caused some rift between me and Sharon's mother.
Metro was an easy and a good option but Sharon always refused to take the metro citing reason that metro is expensive.
I then gave her my metro card filled with plenty of balance but even then she refused to take the metro.
All the travel options which i suggested her including metro/share autos etc all were refused by Sharon purposely to escape physical bonding as much as possible by killing time and reaching home late.
Her logoff time in office was 6.30pm but she used to purposely leave from office at 8pm and reach home at 10pm.
Her login time was 10.30pm but Sharon used to leave the house at 8am. She used to reach office by 9am.
Thus killing a total of 3 hrs.
Sharon's mother then pressurized me to a buy a flat in Sakinaka(5km away from her office) so that Sharon will have to spend less time in travelling.
My response to this demand was buying a 1 cr flat to sort Sharon's travel issue whose salary is 30k is economically illogical.
And even if i buy a flat, Sharon is not emotionally/mentally capable of looking after the house or have any emotions for the new house as nor can she cook nor can she do any household chores. Plus i had already spent plenty of amount in renovating my house which also we had shown to Sharon before marriage only after which we had started the renovation work.
Sharon's mother's next demand was to keep a maid.
My response to this demand was i would keep a maid only when needed. I would not like to keep a maid when me and Sharon are both physically capable of household work and having time to do it and that keeping a maid is an option only if Sharon goes into motherhood but forget about motherhood Sharon was not even letting me touch her properly so this huge demand was completely emotionally impossible.
I then suggested that i would rent a house close to her office which would ease her travel as this would be more cost effective than buying a flat but this option was also refused by Sharon.
My next suggestion was to change the job if travel is an issue to which Sharon completely refused.
My final suggestion on this issue was to quit the job to which Sharon refused as expected.
#7. Sharon's mother's barbaric and uncivilized behaviour:
When me and my father informed about Sharon's sexuality problem to Sharon's parents and that she is not showing any progress in allowing physical intimacy, Sharon's mother instead of making her understand, completely attacked me and my family.
Sharon's mother visited my house and created a huge chaos inside my house, outside my house and also on the roadside by shouting and cussing me and my family.
She spoke in a very filthy language and spoke very very harshly to my parents as well.
That was the day when i came to know that Sharon's mother is an utter garbage woman who speaks total crap with no logic and no sense.
It was time when i got pissed off and spoke to her rudely as well.
Her mother's purpose of visit to my house was only to collect Sharon's maternal jewellery and some of her other expensive items which we handed over to her without questioning.
Our ask to Sharon's parents was to keep Sharon in her maternal house for 10-15 days and speak to her regarding her sexuality problem because this marriage cannot continue like this and we had asked Sharon's parents for a solution to this problem.
I called up Sharon's mother on phone after 2 weeks of no response from Sharon's family.
Her mother spoke more harshly and in a very highly abusive manner.
Even i had to speak harshly as i am not a person who is going to take this kind of behaviour especially after bearing Sharon's NO SEX behaviour for 10 long months.
Sharon completely ignored my messages/calls after her mother took all the expensive items. Sharon's brother also started ignoring me completely.
Her mother only spoke non sense.
Entire Sharon's family abandoned me and my family.
My Merry Christmas wishes were not responded. My new year wishes were not responded.
Her mother started deleting my birthday wish messages from the family WhatsApp group.
She then removed me from the group.
I Wished Sharon's brother on his birthday on whatsapp but no thanks. He did not even receive my calls on his birthday nor did he callback.
I called Sharon on our 1st wedding anniversary but she ignored the call. No callbacks.
Sharon's father had no say at all as he was completely dominated by Sharon's mother and he is a full time drunkard so there was no stand from him.
Same day I then called her father via an alternate number and on our 1st wedding anniversary, Sharon's mother snatched the phone from Sharon's father and after speaking harshly to my mother, Sharon's mother communicated that they wanted a divorce.
Sharon's mother was up to the opinion that i should be more patient with her daughter. I had already been patient for 10 months and i did not have any patience left. She also opined that marriage is not just about sex and marriage should be about love and acceptance. My question to her was "Did you and your husband have sex on the wedding night or you'll waited for 10 days and then had sex or you'll waited for 10 weeks and then had sex or you'll waited for 10 months and then had sex?" Hearing this she could not take these questions and somehow understood its her daughter's fault but did not accept it.
#8. The Legal turn:
We then took the legal route and sent 2 legal notices to Sharon to reconcile but she did not even bothered to respond.
We then had a meeting with Sharon, Francis uncle(her uncle) and her cousin sister wherein Sharon agreed about her sexuality problem that she is not interested in sex and that she does not have any kind of sexual feelings/desire and that she never felt any kind of sexual attraction towards anyone ever.
Rest of Sharon's issues i was not much bothered about as those somehow i would have solved all.
Sharon's cousin sister and her uncle did their best to try and make Sharon understand but she does not know the meaning of relations, marriage, etc.
Sharon lives in her mother's unhealthy shadow.
Since Sharon did not want to continue the marriage and that she and her mother already had communicated about divorce
I was not seeing any scope or hope in this marriage and thus i asked Sharon to file a divorce petition.
She gave excuses that lawyers are very expensive and in turn asked me to file the petition.
She did not even pay a single rupee in this joint petition and in turn took a lot of consultations and services from my lawyer without giving him his fees which amounted to rs 20,000/- in total.
After receiving all her belongings, Sharon showed her real colors.
#9. Sharon's black mails:
After receiving all her belongings and all the settlements completed as per the discussion happened between me, my father, Sharon, her uncle and her cousin sister in the family meeting, Sharon started blackmailing me on emails and notices and started demanding Stridhan worth rs 5 lacs and rs 10 lacs in cash.
Sharon via her lawyer demanded a huge illegal settlement of rs 10 lacs in cash and if not given she would withdraw from the divorce petition by saying that me and my lawyer deceived her to sign the petition which was false as she herself had initiated divorce.
Sharon demanding Stridhan worth rs 5 lacs and rs 10 lacs in cash was the most shameless act as i did not earn to feed money hungry cheats like her.
Sharon again blackmailed me by putting fake allegations of domestic violence and physical abuse against me and my parents to which all my family members were in a deep state of shock as domestic violence and physical abuse never happened with Sharon and she had agreed the same in front of her uncle and her cousin sister that domestic violence and physical abuse never happened with her in her then matrimonial house ever.
Sharon is such a shameless person that she even put fake domestic violence allegations against my mother(74) who is half blind and also against my father(78) of whom both are dealing with multiple health issues.
My half blind mother used to work really hard and make new recipes only so that Sharon likes the food.
In turn, Sharon gave this in return to her.
She then blackmailed me to sign a non-disclosure agreement to suppress the fact that she belongs to LGBTQIA+ community else she would file a domestic violence case against me and my parents to which i refused.
Sharon never contributed even a single rupee financially in my house but she faked an allegation that she contributed for 50% expenses of my house.
The cooling period became a mental harassment period for me and my family.
Seeing this much mental harassment we decided to negotiate as i did not want my parents to go through the court hassles in this age.
My Father is 78 and my mother is 74 by the way and both are having multiple health issues.
Sharon came down from Rs 5 lacs worth gold to Rs 2.5 lacs worth gold settlement but refused to negotiate on the Rs 10 lacs cash demand.
We informed the judge about such acts of Sharon blackmailing but since it was a mutual petition, judge refused to participate and asked us to solve mutually and then come to court for the approval of divorce.
After fulfilling Sharon's illegitimate demand of rs 2.5 lacs worth gold we refused to agree on fulfilling her rs 10 lacs cash demand.
I was quite pissed off and ready to go all out against Sharon and her mother legally as this was a big scam.
We warned Sharon that any more blackmails will be subjected to actions from various angles.
We then got the divorce leaving a lot of mental scars.
Took me 3 years just to get the divorce and the annulment from Church.
NOTE: We did not take any dowry so losing so much money affected me and my entire family as Sharon had committed an emotional fraud plus a monetary fraud.
#10.Sharon's mother's fake villanization of me:
Sharon's mother in order to cover her daughter's faults, did every possible thing to villanize me.
Fake allegations of domestic violence ranging till the silliest of laughable allegations.
Every time i asked Sharon that why she did not tell me about her sexuality problem before marriage while discussions on child planning to which Sharon never gave me an answer.
All other issues can be dealt with but Sharon's sexuality problem and her refusal to share the same with me before marriage, made this marriage a total sham.
In turn, my life got ruined. I am now a Divorced person who technically never got completely married as the marriage was never allowed by Sharon to complete as she never allowed me to consummate the marriage.
I have zero regrets that we are now divorced because i gave my best to save the marriage even after knowing that Sharon and her mother had cheated me big time.
All my efforts to save the marriage are known to her uncle and her cousin sister as they were present with her in the family meeting.
The only regret i have is that i should have verified all the information that was given to me and my family by Sharon's mother and beyond but unfortunately i had no idea that such an out of the syllabus issue would come up in future and that such a rare sexuality issue would even exist.
I lost my marital status which is an unrecoverable loss for me.
A total financial loss of around rs 15 lacs(including marriage and miscellaneous expenses and the illegitimate settlement) which is also an unrecoverable loss for me.
I and my family believed everything because Sharon's mother looked a very religious woman.
We all were shocked to see a highly religious person like Sharon's mother can speak the highest level of crap.
Her mother thinks she can commit any kind of sins and ask God for forgiveness and she will be free from sins.
Sharon's trial and error take on marriage put a huge dent on my personal future and also on my family.
I did not want to file a cheating case on her because i did not want to spend 5-6 years going through court dates and all the hassles but after all the blackmails from Sharon and her lawyer in the cooling period of divorce i felt like i should have opted for filing a cheating/cruelty case.
Even if i would have come to know about Sharon's sexuality problem even 1 second before solemnizing of our marriage, i would have said NO and would have left her at the altar.
My life would have been peaceful if she would have told me about her sexuality problem before the marriage at least during child planning.
Even today when me and Sharon are now divorced, her mother is still spreading hatred and nuisance against me which is damaging my and my family's reputation in public and also causing me quite some damage to my personal future.
Many of my matrimonial proposals are getting rejected with a feedback which says that "We have heard that you used to beat your 1st wife"
Even after explaining them that these are fake rumors spread by my x-wife's mother, nobody believes me.
I hope that karma will deal with Sharon and her mother sooner or later
